


Not With a Fizz But With a Bang

by tainted_wolf



Category: Black Sails
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Arguing, Billy and Ben are hopelessly in love, Cookies, Crack, Girl Scouts, John is still a little shit, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-01
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-08-12 10:31:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7931272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tainted_wolf/pseuds/tainted_wolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No one could have known that it would have come to this.  The fighting and screaming.  John is pretty sure he’s missing a clump of hair.  He has bite marks from Ben.  The man may not look like much, but he’s a scrapper.</p><p>Now John, Ben, Billy, and James are sitting by each other on the couch in front of Max while she has her hands on her hips.  They are all pointedly not looking at the look of disappointment on her face.  </p><p>“All of this,” she begins speaking, “is because of Girl Scout cookies?”</p><p>“I must admit,” James says, finally getting the courage to look her in the eye, “this is not a high point for any of us.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not With a Fizz But With a Bang

**Author's Note:**

> My friend and I had an in-depth conversation about how much money is too much money to spend on Girl Scout cookies. There may have been yelling. I may have insulted her, and she tackled me in response. Anyway, it was some good inspiration for fanfic.

It started about three weeks ago. John and Billy has been roommates for about two years now. John’s been dating Flint for half a year. Officially anyway. They were actually together secretly before then. Billy has been getting really serious with his boyfriend. They’ve only been dating four months, but love is love John supposes.

The time has come for John to move out to give the lovebirds space. He’s moving in with James, but it’s kind of sad. He wanted to move in with James sooner so they could be the lovebirds that needed space. If John had his way, he would have told people as soon as they got together over a year ago and been moved in months ago.

None of this would have happened if John wasn’t still in the apartment with Billy when they arrived.

It was a nice spring day when they came. John was packing his things away. Billy was moving his things into the master bedroom John was vacating. Just because Billy was taller, that didn’t mean he got the bigger bedroom. John needed that bigger closet. James was putting boxes in his car, making the occasional food run. Ben was sort of floating around. He wanted to be helpful but not get in anybody’s way.

James was off getting enough tacos to feed a small army when there was a knock on the door. Ben answered quickly. “Hello,” he greeted in his accent.

There were two girls, dressed adorably with their ever-present parents behind them. In a very practiced speech, the smallest girl said, “We’re Girl Scouts! Do you want to buy cookies?”

“YES!” John yelled from his bedroom. “Yes, we do!” Then there was the sound of several boxes toppling over. “Ow!”

Billy walks to the door with an eye roll. “I’m going to say that is a yes.” The girls just stare at him with big eyes like he’s one of the world’s great wonders, and one of the mothers starts pushing her chest out hoping to catch his eye.

John materializes by him a few seconds later holding his arm with a red mark across his face. “We are going to need a lot. Pay now or later?”

“You pay when they come in,” says the only person not staring at Billy. This mother looked a little perturbed. Not the first time the other mom has try to hit on people today John guesses.

He claps his hands together once in excitement, startling them. “I’m going to need four boxes of Samoas, four Do-si-dos, one Thin Mint, actually, make that two boxes, five Savannah Smiles, and three of your Cranberry Citrus Crisps.” All of this was said confidently without looking at the picture that had the names by them.

The mothers were trying to quickly write down everything that he wanted while the girls decided it was time to stare at John in amazement.

“That’s eighteen boxes!” exclaims the mom that was staring at Billy.

“Huh. Go ahead and give me another Thin Mint and Cranberry Citrus Crisps.”

Billy just look at him like he’s an idiot, and Ben is quietly laughing.

“That’s all I want,” John concludes. “You guys can order now.” He then walks back to the bedroom, leaving Billy to give the girls his contact information.

Ben only asks for two boxes of cookies. Billy secretly gets six, knowing that Ben has a sweet tooth. James returns less than ten minutes later, never learning about what just happened.

 

Three weeks later, John receives a text from Billy saying that the girls brought the cookies and he owed him $200. He starts smiling like an idiot, unable to contain his joy over the thought that twenty boxes of cookies are about to enter this apartment. That was when he realized that he had not told his frugal boyfriend about the major transaction.

Worry started to set in. He needed to go to the ATM to get enough cash to pay Billy. But, if he used the ATM, James would see and ask about it. That would lead to John getting a lecture over saving money. He hated getting lectures. They were boring and didn’t lead to make-up sex the way that arguing did.

Maybe, John could work something out with Billy. He quickly grabs all the cash he can and sets out towards his old apartment. Along the way, he texted Max to tell her that he ordered her two boxes of Savannah Smiles and four boxes of Cranberry Citrus Crisps which he knew were her favorites. She was a powerful ally to have and didn’t mind if John paid her in cookies.

The drive only took thirty minutes. He wished it took longer, so he could think of what he would say to Billy. The walk up the stairs also went quickly. He plastered his people-pleasing smile on his face and knocked on the door.

Ben was the one to answer. That was a blessing from god. Ben was easy going and sweet. He would let John off the hook.

“Hey,” Ben greets him enthusiastically. 

“Hi,” John pulls his eyebrows together to make his face look sad. Ben instantly looks concerned. “I’m really sorry about this, but all I can give you for the cookies is $127. It’s all I could scrounge up.”

“That’s fine,” Ben assures him. “Is everything alright?” Still so concerned like a sweet angel.

“Yeah!” John says in a semblance of falsehood. For the next part in his act, he deflates a little. “It’s just that John was not happy about me spending so much on cookies.” Ben nods along. “Anyway, I told him that I would cancel the order but could never get ahold of the girls. I was going to break the news to them when they called to say my order was ready, but Billy had already paid for them.” John makes sure to look pathetic.

“It’s fine really. The cookies are on the table. Please take all of them. Billy ordered more than I wanted, and I’ve been trying to eat healthy. Can’t have all those cookies here or I’ll eat them then feel guilty about it.”

“One more thing,” John adds. “Please don’t tell Billy. He’s been friends with James for a long time and will probably tell him.”

“Oh!” Ben exclaims. He steps closer and lowers his voice. “He’s sleeping right now, but your secret is safe with me.”

John has to fight the urge to smile in triumph. He replaces is with a bashful, pathetic one. “Thank you so much.”

“Do you want to stay and watch TV?” Ben asks back at his normal volume.

“Sure. Max is coming over if you don’t mind.” Ben wouldn’t. “Some of the cookies were meant to be a gift for her.”

“No problem. Billy usually wakes up in about an hour. Working nights has really messed up his sleep schedule.

Unbeknownst to Ben and John, the knock on the front door woke him. He heard everything, seeing through John’s lies. Billy promptly texted James, “Your boyfriends owes me $73 for cookies. Get his ass out of my apartment.” He laid in bed for about twenty minutes before getting up. Looks like John was going to ruin his night off.

Ben and John were eating leftover pizza when Billy flopped on the couch and cuddled his face into Ben’s neck. Ben, being used to this, just kept eating. Occasionally, he would hold the piece out for him to take a bite of.

It wasn’t too long later that there was a furious pounding on the front door. They all jumped. Billy smiled and pressed closer to Ben making sure that he wouldn’t be the one to open the door.

“I guess I’ll get it,” John volunteers after a second or two. He stands from the chair he was in and walks to the door. He opens the door then instantly closes it when he sees James’s face.

“Open the door, John,” came a growl. “We need to talk, and I need to pay Billy for cookies.”

Ben had gone tense against Billy who wasn’t even trying to hide his smile anymore. John turns to look at them. As soon as he sees the grin, he gets angry. If Billy was going to start a fight, he was going to get dragged into it. John throws open the door and gestures for James to come in like it’s still his apartment.

James literally strolls in. No other way to describe it. He turns to John. “You spent $73 on cookies?” His tone is calm, but John hears the anger hiding beneath it.

“Actually,” Billy says as he stands, “it was $200. 73 is what he still owes me.” Ben gives him a look, silently pleading with him to now get involved.

“200!!! What the fuck, John!”

“Yes, it is a lot of cookies,” he says trying to remain calm, “but I got your favorites and some for Max.”

“Max can buy her own, and I don’t need that many cookies!” James is still angry, but there is also disbelief.

“To be fair,” Ben says, deciding it was his turn to interject, “you can only buy them once a year.”

Billy’s mouth drops open. “Don’t defend John!’

“Why not,” Ben asks in a tone like a petulant child.

“Because he lied to you and played with your emotions just because he didn’t want to tell James he was an idiot by buying so many.” His tone was imploring.

“I did not such thing!” John exclaims in mock shock.

“You did too, you little shit,” James snarls.

“Back to name calling, James? I thought we moved past that a year ago.” He replies in a falsely gentle tone.

“I thought you agreed to stop calling each other names when you started dating.” Billy says.

“We did,” John and James both reply.

“But you only started dating six months ago.”

James tensed. John threw his hands out in an ‘I give up gesture.’ “We’ve been dating a year. We didn’t tell you because James has commitment issues.” He sharply turns to James, the floodgates seems to have opened. “This wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t so stubborn!”

“How is this my fault?” he demands.

“If you would get over yourself, we could have lived together months ago! I never would have been here when the Girl Scouts arrived.”

“You ordered that many because you’re a spoiled child with no restraint,” James snarls.

Ben, who had been staring at them with wide eyes, made the mistake of voicing his thoughts. “You both have issues.”

John wastes no time turning on the only ally he has in the room. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about!”

Ben looks hurt. Billy quickly steps closer to John. “Don’t you dare yell at him. This is all your faults”

That gets James angry at Billy. “Don’t talk to my boyfriend like that.” He gets right in Billy’s face. “You’re the one that texted me hoping to start shit.”

“Wasn’t that hard,” he sneers. “Maybe you should work on your relationship.”

James’s anger had reached its boiling point. Without a second thought, he tackles Billy to the ground. John jumps forward trying to grab James to pull him back. As they’re wrestling around on the ground, Billy kicks out and clips John in the face. After a second of recovering, he decided to help James.

Billy gets pinned beneath them, and Ben leaps on top somehow thinking that it was the best way to help his boyfriend. John goes to push him off. Ben bites his hand. John lets out a scream. James throws an elbow into Ben’s gut, leaving his face undefended long enough for Billy to get a good punch in.

They’re all wrestling, punching, kicking, and biting when the front door slams closed. Everyone instantly freezes. Max in standing there with her hands on her hips and look on her face that has been known to make grown men cry. 

“I want a really good explanation.”

 

“All of this,” she begins speaking, “is because of Girl Scout cookies?”

“I must admit,” James says, finally getting the courage to look her in the eye, “this is not a high point for any of us.” Something about the way he said it caused everyone to break down into giggles.

Max just sighs. “Maybe we should all go home.”

“That’s probably for the best,” Ben says. His tone was thick and weird. John and James turned to him. Billy was staring at him like he wanted to rip his clothes off.

James immediately stands and starts walking. John just shakes his head, following Max out. He’s pretty sure that Ben was on top of Billy before the door was even closed. He can’t blame them. He checked out James’s ass all the way down the stairs. Max made a scoffing sound when she caught him.

“Wait until you get home,” she says with an eye roll. “Car sex isn’t that great after a fight. You need space to move around.” John laughs. James looks back at them with a quizzical look on his face. He had no idea what was happening behind him. That only caused him to laugh louder.

James just turns around and keeps walking towards his car.

“Oh, fuck!” John exclaims. 

“What?” he turns back to him.

“I forgot the cookies on the table.”

James sighs. “Just leave them. We’ll get them later.”

“No,” he whines.

“Billy and Ben are having sex. Do you really want to go back?” Max asks.

“I have waited three weeks and been through hell for those cookies! I’m not going to wait another second!” When he was done yelling, he runs back up the stairs.

James turns to Max, “Why do I love him so much?” There is a small smile on his face. 

John reappeared less than five minutes later. His eyes were barely peaking over the boxes in his arms. “Grab your cookies, Max!” came his muffled yell.

She took the six boxes on top, shook her head at him, then walked off. “See you tomorrow, John. Remember what I said about the car.”

James could see the blush spread across his face. “What about the car?”

“It’s nothing,” he replies quickly. “Let’s go home.”

James moves forward to take some of the boxes from his and freezes. “You got Thin Mints. You hate Thin Mints, John.”

That causes him to blush some more. “But you love them.”

The smile on James’s face leaves him breathless. He raises his hands to grab John’s face and kisses him passionately. They both yelp in pain and jerk back.

“My scalp hurts. I think some hair got ripped out.” John explains. “Also, your nose is swollen and looks bruised.”

He just chuckles. “This is going to make make-up sex kind of hard.”

“It won’t be the only hard thing,” John replies with a wink. 

 

Billy and Ben are laying on their bedroom floor and breathing heavily. They never made it to the bed. The smile disappears from Billy’s face as he goes tense. “James never gave me the rest of the money.”


End file.
